


your life

by averylilyevans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averylilyevans/pseuds/averylilyevans
Summary: first year is full of frustration and unfamiliarity and a twinge of homesickness. it’s being sorted into a different house than sev, being top of your year, being the one person potter seems to seek out most.marauders drabble. originally posted on tumblr.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	your life

**Author's Note:**

> I originally uploaded this on my tumblr, @averylilyevans. Enjoy!

first year is full of frustration and unfamiliarity and a twinge of homesickness. it’s being sorted into a different house than sev, being top of your year, being the one person potter seems to seek out most. it’s befriending marlene and dorcas and mary, staying up late at night while they tell you about all the wizarding world has to offer. it’s discovering quidditch (which you hate) and celestina warbeck (whom you love). it’s trying every candy that marlene’s older brother brings back from honeydukes and accidentally walking through the bloody baron.

second year is sending a tickling charm potter’s way after he calls sev “snevillus.” it’s your first detention directly after, too, and definitely worth it. it’s figuring out remus’ secret and not telling a soul - not even him for the longest - but you don’t care (how could you?) because it’s Remus we’re talking about. it’s helping mary with charms and dorcas with girls and marlene with waking up in the morning. it’s learning (and being awful at) wizards’ chess and turning your beetle into a button first try. it’s sev staring at you from the slytherin’s table and still being in awe of the great hall’s twinkling sky and always taking two helpings of treacle tart.

third year is hogsmeade and arithmancy and divination and potter asking you out for the first time (you not-so-politely decline). it’s spending the majority of october with your legs dangling in the great lake, your friends giggling next to you. it’s studying with sev in the library and trying not to notice the guilty look in his eye. it’s petunia writing to you even less than before because of some normal whale of a man named vernon. it’s sharing a butterbeer with sirius black in hogsmeade because you’ve lost your friends and _really, they’ll be right back_ , but he insists and is actually quite funny and you think you’ve rather misjudged him. it’s going to the kitchens one night with remus, because it’s been a long day and the house elves always have hot chocolate.

fourth year is slug club parties and sneaking off with benji fawcett because parties aren’t your thing and sirius couldn’t make this one. it’s waking up the next morning to marlene telling you she’d run into potter and he was looking rather dejected (you ignore the guilt in your stomach; it’s only there a moment). it’s sitting with dorcas and mary at quidditch matches, watching potter soar through the air like a bird. it’s finally having the nerve to quit divination because crystal balls and prophecies are complete rubbish anyway. it’s thinking sev has been hanging out too much with mulciber and avery and malfoy but getting excuse after excuse in response. it’s trying your first sip of alcohol with dorcas and marlene at christmas, the burn in your throat masking your worry for sev.

fifth year is when all hell really breaks loose. it’s sev asking too many questions about remus and potter being more arrogant than ever before (that sodding _snitch_ ) and being so stressed because o.w.l.s are coming up and you have to show your worth. it’s threatening potter for threatening sev by the lake and that _word_ \- the one that haunts your brain and creeps into your nightmares. it’s knowing potter didn’t deserve what you said, because your sev is too far gone and in his place is a boy who doesn’t understand what he’s doing (you hope, you pray; the alternative is too much to bear). it’s not taking points away from the marauders even though you’re a prefect, and maybe you’re abusing your power but you can’t bring yourself to care. it’s drinking firewhiskey with marlene in empty classrooms and passing your exams with flying colors. it’s more “ _i hate you, potter_ ”s and “ _back at you, evans_ ”s than ever before, but the bite just isn’t there. it’s partnering with peter in potions because he’s absolutely dreadful and you get the sense he feels a little less than compared to his talented friends. it’s your dad getting sick and your world falling apart and sirius and that prank and _why why why_?

sixth year is regaining control and desperately trying to cling onto normalcy. it’s spending more time with mary and dorcas and marlene. it’s ignoring sev every time he comes around the corner trying to get your attention because you just can’t make excuses for him anymore. it’s going to potter’s house over break after sirius says he’s run away, and the three of you drinking and laughing until the sun comes up. it’s deciding maybe there’s worse things in life than arrogant boys with good intentions. it’s hours and hours of homework and studying because you’re taking more n.e.w.t.-level subjects than anyone knew existed. it’s knowing petunia won’t write you back but sending chocolates on her birthday just in case. it’s discovering the marauders’ secret - why they’re moony, wormtail, padfoot, and prongs - and laughing uncontrollably because they’re just so bloody _brilliant_. it’s brewing potions for fun and enjoying life instead of just existing. it’s eating breakfast with your friends and the marauders and ignoring the feeling in your stomach when james passes you the juice you like without asking. it’s learning to apparate and mary splinching herself and spending the rest of the evening with marlene and dorcas in the hospital wing. it’s a war brewing outside the castle walls; and when mcgonagall asks if you know what you’d like to do after hogwarts, she sees the fire in your emerald eyes and knows.

seventh year is being head girl and wishing severus hadn’t gone down that road and getting upset when your friends ask you if you like james (why does he have to look so bloody _perfect_ all the time). it’s parties that last until midnight and tutoring scared first years and sneaking into honeydukes with james to get remus chocolates after a full moon. it’s singing at the top of your lungs with marlene and swimming in the great lake with mary. it’s thinking your chance with james is gone because he’s moved on and sirius giving you a look that says _are you a bloody idiot_? it’s dorcas holding you as you cry because another muggle family has been killed and you don’t know how much more you can take. it’s running out onto the pitch after gryffindor wins the cup and kissing james full on the mouth in front of the whole school because his lips look soft and he’s beautiful and courageous and kind and he feels like home and _why have you fought this for so long_? it’s ignoring the hurt look in severus’ eye as you make your way back to the castle, james’ strong arm wrapped around your shoulders. it’s flinching when petunia says she’d never make a freak like you her bridesmaid but bringing james to the wedding just to drive her mad. it’s being scared to leave hogwarts because after all these years it’s home, and you can’t imagine a day when your nights won’t end with your friends’ laughter by the fire.

graduating isn’t like coming up for fresh air. it isn’t a week before dumbledore is owling, asking if you lot would like to join the order of the phoenix. you train for only two weeks, learning curses you shouldn’t need to know even exist. now life is missions and green light whizzing by your head. it’s the three days when sirius went missing and james couldn’t sleep or eat and you finally found him inside an abandoned building chained to the wall. it’s dorcas being murdered by voldemort himself and remus going to live with the werewolves and marlene’s entire family being gone before you have time to mourn the others and everyone around you is dying. it’s seeing severus on the battlefield for the first time and not hesitating for a moment before sending a curse his way. it’s james looking over at you as he shields you both from a bright red light and says “ _marry me, evans_.” it’s responding “ _are you mad? of course i will_ ” like you aren’t literally in the middle of a bloody war. it’s going home and kissing him like your life depends on it, and you think to yourself that maybe it does. it’s the empty spots beside mary where dorcas and marlene should be and sirius’ best man speech moving you to tears. it’s coming face to face with voldemort twice and _surviving_. it’s finding out you’re pregnant and telling sirius first because you’re not even twenty yet and james is out on a mission and _what are we supposed to do now_? it’s remus and sirius never leaving your perfect little house in godric’s hallow, insisting on being together as much as possible. it’s secretly wondering what’s going on with peter, because he hasn’t come ‘round much and you’re worried but the boys dismiss your fears. it’s wanting to make a difference - for yourself and your husband and your friends - because this world isn’t one worth living in.

going into hiding is like giving up on everything you’ve fought for. it’s harry being born and wishing your mum was there, but james has never been so proud and the look on sirius’ face when you ask him to be the godfather makes everything worth it. it’s sitting on the couch, stroking the cat that wandered into your backyard. it’s listening to james talk to harry, telling him about all the mischief the marauders got into at school. it’s wishing you could go back to those days for a while. it’s feeling like the walls are caving in on you and wondering how this happened and sobbing into james’ chest. it’s him eyeing his cloak, and you knowing he wants to take it out more than anything. it’s wishing you had kept taking divination, because it’s not rubbish - it’s ruining your family. it’s switching your secret keeper to peter at the last minute, because sirius is too obvious and he means _too_ much and if he got hurt for you, you don’t really know what you’d do (and you know james would never forgive himself). it’s regretting not listening to your gut when the front door bursts open. it’s knowing exactly what is going to happen when james yells at you to take harry and run. it’s not having enough time to tell him how much you love him, but you look into his hazel eyes and _he knows, he knows; he’s always known_. it’s hearing the love of your life hit the floor and trying to protect the baby that looks so much like him behind you. it’s standing tall and strong like you always have as you place harry in his crib, the footsteps closing in. it’s being confused as to why he’s asking you to stand aside but refusing anyway. it’s thinking of sirius and remus and mary and peter as the green light reaches you.


End file.
